Thursday, October 11, 2007

You might be a Masshole if...

This is more accurately "You might be a Bostonian if..." There are definitely nuggets of truth in here. Also, there is a reason, beyond the fun of it, for me posting this...stay tuned.

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life
Wasn't it for everyone?

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow
Only if the speed limit is 35

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke
No, but my grandmother does

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid
Of course

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries
Guilty. I hate it when they re-engineer old rotaries into non-rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language
Actually, I disagree with this one. We just think it has a different sound than most folks

7. Your social security number starts with a zero
I'm actually a little bummed that my son's doesn't (but then again, he has the added intrigue of having been born on the Navajo Indian reservation)

8. You can actually find your way around the streets of Boston
Not fully, but I know HOW to drive in Boston

9. You know what a 'regular' coffee is
It's NOT the opposite of "decaf"

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round
You never know

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent
No, but I've driven through Revere and Dorchester

12. Springfield is located 'way out west
Actually, it's 'westa Wista'

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space
And you get pissed when someone doesn't wave 'thanks' for letting them through

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, Peabody and Haverhill
not to mention Leicester and Leominster

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise
True beyond a doubt.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS Pharmacy within eyeshot at all times
Standard directions include the statement "You know, it's next to the Dunkin Donuts and across the street from the CVS". Unfortunately for unsuspecting out-of-staters, this describes pretty much every location in the state.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol
Not a problem anymore, but blue laws used to prevent alcohol sales on Sunday

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski
and what number he wore

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot
more so, you know what the Bean Pot is

20. You order iced coffee in January
and February, March, April...

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere
except 'westa Wista'

22. You love scorpion bowls
never had one

23. You know what they sell at a Packie
Wouldn't you like to know

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS
There couldn't be two more different guys

25. You know what First Night is
and have froze your ass off attending one

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus
And can pronounce 'Seamus'

27. McLobster=McCrap
really, McAnything=McCrap

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies

29. You know there are 6 New England states, but that Connecticut really doesn't count
CT = NY lite

30. You give incomprehensible directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself 'Ah, screw them'
see #s 15 and 16 above

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call

32. You hate the Kennedys, but you vote for them anyway
hate's a pretty strong word

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe
much less so now

35. You've been to Goodtimes
fortunately, no

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day
You do.

37. You have never actually been to 'Cheers'
Actually, 'Cheers' is 'The Bull & Finch'

38. The words ' WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together
As do 'WICKED' and 'AWESOME'

39. You’ve been to Fenway Park
'Good times never seemed so good'

40. You've gone to at least one party at U Mass

41. You own a 'Yankees Suck' shirt or hat
Not actually in my wardrobe

42. You know what a Frappe is
NOT the same as a milkshake

43. You've been to Hempfest
no clue what this is

44. You know who Frank Averuch is
see #45 below

45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown
see #44 above

46. You can complete the following: 'Lynn, Lynn…' of sin...

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be friggin' Snows
sacrilege I know, but I don't like clam chowder

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one
without using my blinker

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time

50. You never go to Cape Cod,' you go 'down the Cape '

All right - there's too many of these to comment on. If you've made it this far and want to see the rest of the list, click below

See the rest

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is

53. You went to the Swan Boats,House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady and Ted Williams

55. You remember Major Mudd

56. You know what candlepin bowling is
And enjoy it!

57. You can drive from the mountains to the ocean all in one day

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around

60. Speaking of which…You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town

61. Calling Carrabba's an 'Italian' restaurant is sacrilege

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic

63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't a surprise

66. You call guys you've just met 'Chief' or 'Boss'

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy

69. You refer to Savin Hill as 'Stab 'n Kill'

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country

73. 11 pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloons!

74. 2 am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's Roast Beef! The one on Revere Beach not the one on Route 1

75. 5 am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group

77. People you don't like are all 'Bastids

78. You took off school or work for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade

79. You've called something 'wicked pissa'

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time
Not so much

87. Your town has at least 6 pizza and roast beef shops

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie

89. 20 degrees is downright balmy as long as there's no wind- then it gets wicked cold

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice’s Restaurant

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was named Athah Feedlah

93. You know what the Combat Zone is

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual

99. Hearing an old lady shout 'Numbah 96 for Sioux City!' means it's time for steak

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Filene's, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann & Hope


Anonymous said...

Hey AtoZ, Leslie from Leslie's Blog here. I am still nursing a headache from doing the Pharyngula Mutating Genre Meme. I had the meme thrown back on me from my own child, no less, and so I countered with changing the song, Chan Chan to "The MTA Song" by the Kingston Trio. Maybe you, as a Bostonian, have heard of it...
Very funny list btw.

Jim Lemire said...

Good ole Charlie on the MTA. The card-system that the T uses now is even called "CharlieCard". Gotta love it when city officials actually come up with a witty idea.

BTW, remind me to ignore all other Pharyngula-created memes.