Clearly, I'm in the wrong business...(alternate title: People Are Dumber Than I Thought)

Out at breakfast this morning, I came across a catalog for Learning Connections, which "offers a wide variety of short courses, trips, and seminars designed for adults in Rhode Island and the South Coast region of Massachusetts." At first glance through the courses they offer, it looked like the sort of stuff you find at a local community center - classes in cake decorating, introductory Spanish, ballroom dancing, etc. There were even some classes that looked intriguing to me - like the "Seasonal Italian Cooking Series" and "Scotch Whiskey: An Exploration into Malt". And then I flipped to the pages in the back and find "classes" such as:

Spirit Flame Pictures

Those in the spirit world communicate with us in various ways. In this fun, eye-opening class, use index cards and a candle and see what spirit wants to show you. Discover visual evidence from the spirit world; you may even get a picture of a loved one, an angel, or a family member who has passed into the spirit realm. Kathleen has pictures to show, and each person who attends will leave with their own spirit flame picture.

and

Healing Yourself through Past Life Regression
Why are people afraid of heights, water or speaking in public? Do you have a health issue that hasn't been helped any other way? Some people are simply curious about past lives while others want to know why they have so many challenges in their life. These issues are very often because of a past life experience. Topics discussed include meditation, connecting with your spirit guide, and the workshop includes a group past life regression.

and my personal favorite:

Divine Intervention: How to Pray and Get Results

Do you ever feel like you are having a one-way conversation with God? Are you hearing a lot about prayer in the media? Join this discussion and learn the 10 tips to getting your prayers answered. Talking and listening to God takes time, patience and faith; but the exchange is life-changing.

That's right folks, the reason your prayers are going unheard is because you're not doing it right. You need to spend $39 for a two and half hour class to learn how. It must be like taking candy from a baby.

The list goes on and on - "Meeting Your Spirit Guide", "How to Activate Your Ability to Become a Healer (with Eric Pearl)", "Crystal Healing", "Scrying: Seeing Though the Crystal Ball". Yes, you read that right - scrying! If you don't believe me (and I wouldn't blame you), go check it out yourself.

I'm pretty cynical when it comes to American intellect, but I have to say this left my jaw agape. Even though I get rather haughty about being from an area that is both intellectually and socially liberal/progressive (New England in general, and Massachusetts in particular), I knew that even we had our fair share of kooks (well, maybe not our fair share, but enough anyways). But these "classes" are taking place not 10 minutes from my own house. That's just too close for comfort.

On the one hand, I am tempted to check one of these things out - see what kind of person attends and just what sort of information is being given. A social experiment, if you will. On the other hand, I'm tempted to heed Mr. P.T. Barnum's wisdom and create my own ridiculous "class" and charge people 50 bucks to listen to a bunch of nonsense. There's surely a market for "Making Your Dreams Come True: How to Concentrate Really Really Hard and Make Gold Dubloons Appear Out of Thin Air", right?

Does God have a bookie?

Following up Dale McGowan's neurological explanation of the "bright light at the end of the tunnel" phenomenon, I think I've uncovered why some people experience the "hand of God". Concussions.

Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna expected people to snicker and laugh when they heard his explanation for his comeback against Minnesota after getting knocked out of the game with a concussion.

"It was a miracle," Kitna said Monday.

Kitna left the game in the second quarter, returned in the fourth and led the Lions to a 20-17 win over the Vikings in overtime on Sunday.

He said it was the third concussion of his NFL career, and the first since 2001. Kitna said he also had a concussion playing for Seattle against San Francisco in a 1997 preseason game.

"I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it.

"I have no headaches, no symptoms, no lingering effects. But that was the worst my head has ever felt, and the worse my memory was in the second quarter. Yet, after halftime there was nothing."

He was knocked out of the game in the second quarter and appeared to be out for the rest of the day, standing on the sideline without a helmet.

"I was out of it. I didn't know anything. I lost coherence," Kitna said. "It's one of those things, you shouldn't even been able to go back in the game, but it went back to normal and cleared up like it never happened."

Clearly, God's a Lion's fan and knew He needed Kitna's help to beat the spread.